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) | Sixty and Me How to Find Friends and Fight Loneliness After 60 (In 5 Steps!) Despite everything we know about the importance of maintaining social connections as we get older, finding friends after 60 can be a How to Find Friends and Fight Loneliness After 60 (In 5 Steps!) Despite everything we know about the importance of maintaining social connections as we get older, finding friends after 60 can be a challenge. As we age, the easy social connections that we enjoyed as schoolmates, parents, and colleagues change. As a result, many women find themselves facing shrinking social circles and needing to make new friends.

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In other words, we find a void in our lives and no easy way to fill it. In our search for companionship, technology is a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, services like Skype and Facebook allow us to stay connected with friends and family throughout the world. On the other hand, with everyone focused on clicking, it feels like “connecting” has taken on a new, softer meaning. Like many women, I often feel like I have 100s of “friends” and no-one to share my deepest dreams and fears with on a daily basis. Do you sometimes feel the same? Despite all of the challenges, it is still clear that making friends and maintaining worthwhile relationships is essential after 60. Having good friends is not just a “nice to have” – it is essential for our health and emotional well-being, as I discussed in an interview with Suzanne Braun Levine. Here are some other facts about loneliness we all should keep in mind: Loneliness, living alone, and poor social connections are as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. (Holt-Lunstad, 2010) Loneliness is worse for you than obesity. (Holt-Lunstad, 2010) Lonely people are more likely to suffer from dementia, heart disease and depression. (Valtorta et al, 2016) (James et al, 2011) (Cacioppo et al, 2006) Loneliness is likely to increase your risk of death by 29%. (Holt-Lunstad, 2015) The good news is that having a rich social life after 60 is absolutely possible – but only if we take matters into our own hands! There are millions of wonderful people in the world who want more friends, people just like you. But, in order to find them, you need to face your fears, explore your passions, use your network and, most importantly, take a chance on reaching out to others. Here are a few ideas for making new friends in your 60s. Don’t Hide from Your Feelings. Do you ever feel lonely? I do. That might seem strange to hear, coming from someone who started a community of 50,000 women over 60. But the truth is that we all feel lonely from time to time. I know women in marriages and with big families that feel like they have no-one to talk to. Feeling lonely from time to time is natural. What we do about our feelings of loneliness is a choice! The first step to dealing with loneliness is to separate yourself from the feeling so that you can give yourself permission to make positive changes in your life. Let me be clear. If you are feeling lonely, you are not alone, as George Monbiot wrote in “This is the Age of Loneliness.” You are a good person and you deserve true friendship, love, and attention. The fact that you are feeling lonely is not your fault. Nor is it something to be ashamed of. Once you admit this, you are more than halfway to building the social life that you deserve. Loneliness is your mind’s way of telling you to get out there and engage with the world. The longer you stay in your own cocoon, the greater the chances that you will slip into an even darker mental state, like depression. So, act now! Once you prepare yourself mentally for the road ahead, it’s time to define what “friendship” means to you. After all, as the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.” Define What a “Friend” Is to You. What do you value most in your friends? Do you look for people who enjoy the same activities as you? Do you like spending time with people who share similar beliefs to you? Or, do you prefer acquaintances that challenge your beliefs and make you think? Perhaps you enjoy the company of people who share similar political or religious beliefs. No matter what your preferences, it pays to be conscious in your choice of friends. This is true for a few reasons. First, and most obviously, when you know what kinds of friends you are looking for, you can choose to engage in activities that will give you an opportunity to meet new people of your choosing. For example, are there political, religious, sports, social, or other groups that you could reengage with? Second, taking the time to think about what friendship means to you will make it more likely that you will see opportunities to start conversations in more natural settings – at the supermarket, in the post office, or in the park. So, give some thought to what you’re looking for in a friend. Write your thoughts in a diary if you have time. Friendship takes time, effort, and advance planning. Think about the type of person that you’d like to meet, and you just might increase your chances of meeting them! Start with Your Existing Social Network – But Don’t Limit Yourself to It. One of the easiest ways to find friendship after 60 is to reconnect with your old friends from high school, university, or work. But there’s a twist. Sometimes the people that you find you have the most in common with may not be the people that you knew when you were younger. So, don’t be afraid to reach out to people that you already know – but also don’t be afraid to use reunions and other events to meet other people with a similar background to you. You might be surprised that you have developed common interests with your old friends in the years after school. Or, you might find that an old friendship that lapsed due to distance can be picked up where it left off. Don’t automatically give up on old friends just because they moved away. For all you know, they might be in the same situation as you. They might be nervous to reach out to you, thinking that you are “too busy” to take their call. So, send a short email or use Skype to stay in touch. Even if you have to maintain your friendship from a distance, it’s better than losing contact altogether. Keep in mind that the first few connections will always be the hardest. The more people you are able to connect with, the easier it will be to find other long-lost friends. Even if you feel a bit awkward at first, don’t let your feelings hold you back. Yes, people are busy and there is a chance that you won’t get a response. But, more than likely, your old friends will get back to you, even if it’s just to catch up on the news. People almost always like to stay connected – and you never know where a new contact will take you. Embrace Your Passions Instead of Chasing New Relationships. One of the fantastic things about being 60 is that we finally know what we want. We understand our values and know what we want to accomplish in our lives. If you are like many women over 60, including myself, you may have a feeling that, with less time in front of you than behind, it’s time to focus on adding people to your life that share your passions and dreams. This is one of the reasons that your passions, interests, and skills can be such a great source of friends. What are you passionate about?
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