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Hanging Out With New People Who All Know Each Other. Sometimes things go off without a hitch. You gel with everyone right away and are welcomed into the fold.

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When things don't work out so well what often happens is everyone chats among themselves and you're left standing on the sidelines. Most of the time the group isn't purposely trying to be mean and exclusionary. They just know and gravitate to each other. They may be a bit lazy and see getting to know someone new as work, when they could easily hang out with their buddies instead. Some of the members may be a bit shy too, and feel a bit inhibited about engaging someone unfamiliar. On occasion you may do something to make a poor impression as well. Below is some advice on handling these situations. It focuses on groups you'll see several times, and could potentially become a member of, but the first few points can be used for ones you'll only meet once, but still want to get along with. Take the initiative and throw yourself in there. Since it's easy for the group to benignly overlook you it's important to take the initiative to try to get to know everyone. Basically, whatever they're doing, put yourself in there and attempt to join their conversation. You almost have to act as if you're already an accepted member of the circle. If everyone is sitting around, then listen to the discussion and chip when you can. If they're all playing video games then grab a controller and take your turn when it comes up. If you're at a nightclub and they're all dancing, or playing pool, or talking on the patio, then that's where you should be. The biggest barriers to doing this are feeling too shy to put yourself in the middle of things, and feeling like you don't know what to say to everyone. Being able to contribute to the conversation can also be a problem because sometimes everyone will start talking about shared acquaintances, memories, or in-jokes that you don't know about. Don't feel you have to keep up with everyone 100% of the time, but do the best you can. It's also possible to feel like you've put yourself in the thick of things, but you're still coming across as more of a quiet observer than you think. If that's the case, this article may help: It can help not to think about throwing yourself into the mix in either-or terms, i.e., you believe you have to be ultra-outgoing or you may as well not bother at all. Even pushing yourself to speak a bit more than usual may be all that's needed. Or maybe you'll only take a little initiative one day, but go further the next. Another thing you can do is find a friendly face or two and try talking to them, and not pressure yourself to make the rounds and chat up every last person.


find new friends to hang out with